preface

There are plenty of things ...

... in this world that deserve thought, comment and analysis, though not necessarily mine. Personal websites are the great evil of modern life. Spare a thought for them - they serve no commerical purpose, merit no thought, disseminate no clear instruction, carry no weight in the scales of opinion, neither observe nor propound any discernible aesthetic standard. Despite, or rather, precisely because of this, there are hundreds and thousands of these things, each with something to say to everyone. The question becomes: "why is there another one staring at you?" There is every justification; there is none. I happily offer this.
Who is entitled to write his reminiscences? Everyone. Because no one is obliged to read them.
To continue with this borrowing -
In order to write one's reminiscences it is not at all necessary to be a great man, nor a notorious criminal, nor a celebrated artist, nor a statesman - it is quite enough to be simply a human being, to have something to tell, and not merely the desire to tell it but at least have some little ability to do so. Man likes to enter into another existence, he likes to touch the subtlest fibres of another's heart, and to listen to its beating ... he compares, he checks it by his own, he seeks for himself confirmation, sympathy, justification ...
The question, assuming one has the requisite ability, is how one undertakes this task - and when. At this mid-point of life, one has neither the misplaced exuberance brought about by ungrounded faith nor the equally false assurances bought by experience and near finality. One is here, now, still in the midst of change and adventure, even if we neither seek or welcome them warmly. The site dances upon the often transient little things in life, bits of my relation with the world. Most of what you see elsewhere on this site are simple declarations, fixtures, thoughts and musings, some less entrenched than others; these things form and shape; they are goals and give direction as much as they are themselves means to these goals. Ordering them thus creates a semblance of certainty and control, and destiny. In toto, one hopes to fulfill Nietzsche's injunction -
Träumen - Man träumt gar nicht oder interessant. Man muß lernen, ebenso zu wachen: - gar nicht oder interessant Dreams - We have no dreams at all or interesting ones. We should learn to be awake in the same way - not at all or in an interesting manner
There is no conclusion; at least, not yet. If such a thing is possible, I'm probably all that is written here, sometimes with one element obscuring all else; at other times, overwhelmed by all my parts. Rarely are the parts in balance; rarely is any taken in moderation. The result is a fundamentally flawed creature, as humane and defiled as the next; this self, like this site, is not for everyone. Perhaps for no-one.