My friend Kevin Ariken passed away on Thursday, 3rd Februay 2005. I delivered this eulogy at his service today.
Kevin was a friend of mine
Every single one of us here will share that sentiment. He was a friend to each of us in an individually meaningful way and in unimagineable ways which we will struggle to appreciate now that he is no longer with us.
It is impossible to capture who Kevin was and what he meant to us in a short eulogy, or in simple words, but the presence of all of you here gives the clearest indication of the measure of the man and his impact on our lives. As a son, husband, father, relation, friend and work colleague, and active member of this community, Kevin touched different aspects of our lives.
When I met him for lunch on Wednesday, I told him how much I respected him, of how how he had grown from the cheeky, mischief-making schoolboy I met at 16, to become the the responsible father of two so wonderful children and loving husband to Pilar. That family was his universe, around which he devoted his time and energies.
He was also a central member of his working environment, diligent and attentive and much appreciated for his contributions. His activities with the Church and at cathechisim classes also left an indelible mark on the people around him, both young and old.
Despite his many duties and responsibilities, and the superhuman efforts these required, Kevin always made time for much else, for friends and strangers alike: to lend a helping hand, an understanding ear, a consoling shoulder, offer words of advice and encouragement.
With each of his social circles, with his ex-SJI schoolmates, friends
from JC and University, his hockey team-mates, the group of altar boys, Kevin was constantly striving to bring and keep people together. He was our centre, each of the groups’ heartbeat.
In that sense, his generousity and sincerity conquered the limitations of time and the common expectations of the world.
That was Kevin’s secret: he knew this was an imperfect world, sometimes unjust and cruel. Unlike others who would shy away from challenges and retreat into the sanctuary of solitude, Kevin’s recognition of the world’s incompleteness drove him to challenge and mend fissures as best he could, tirelessly, and never discouraged if his efforts failed.
That Kevin, the Kevin that we know now is a reflection of the love he felt for us. The Kevin we know is also a testatment to the loving family that raised him. Philip and Nancy, you did an outstanding job, giving him all the opportunities in life that anyone could wish for. Your tremendous and selfless efforts resulted in an upright, decent and caring man in the truest sense of the word: strong, principled, devoted and loyal, a man of faith. To Mel, he was the typical older brother - sometimes over-bearing and over-protective but ultimately the perfect sibling to share a life with.
If it is any consolation, we share your loss.
The passion with which Kevin engaged with life is also seen in the passion and love he felt for Pilar. Once he met Pilar, his friends
knew that he had met his match, his soul-mate. Their’s was a relationship that crossed continents and cultures and learning a new language was no obstacle for him. With Ale and Maria, we see the very best of this coupling.
In an ideal world, Kevin would see Ale and Maria grow to be the outstanding people they will no doubt become. In that ideal world, he would be my best-man, we would grow old together and share pictures of our grand children. In that world, Kevin would be here to deliver my eulogy.
But we don’t live in that perfect world. And as we struggle to come to terms with the loss of our friend, as we struggle to make sense of this senselessness, it would be wise to recall how Kevin conducted his life and how he would have responded. He would not have been dispirited, he would not have grown bitter or kept a rancourous flame. Let us follow his example, then, and face this in the way that he taught us how thru his examplary living. That would be the rightful way to remember our friend, Kevin Philip Ariken.