My friend Kevin Ariken passed away on Thursday, 3rd Februay 2005. I delivered this eulogy at his service today.
Kevin was a friend of mine
Every single one of us here will share that sentiment. He was a friend to each of us in an individually meaningful way and in unimagineable ways which we will struggle to appreciate now that he is no longer with us.
It is impossible to capture who Kevin was and what he meant to us in a short eulogy, or in simple words, but the presence of all of you here gives the clearest indication of the measure of the man and his impact on our lives. As a son, husband, father, relation, friend and work colleague, and active member of this community, Kevin touched different aspects of our lives.
When I met him for lunch on Wednesday, I told him how much I respected him, of how how he had grown from the cheeky, mischief-making schoolboy I met at 16, to become the the responsible father of two so wonderful children and loving husband to Pilar. That family was his universe, around which he devoted his time and energies.
He was also a central member of his working environment, diligent and attentive and much appreciated for his contributions. His activities with the Church and at cathechisim classes also left an indelible mark on the people around him, both young and old.
Despite his many duties and responsibilities, and the superhuman efforts these required, Kevin always made time for much else, for friends and strangers alike: to lend a helping hand, an understanding ear, a consoling shoulder, offer words of advice and encouragement.
With each of his social circles, with his ex-SJI schoolmates, friends
from JC and University, his hockey team-mates, the group of altar boys, Kevin was constantly striving to bring and keep people together. He was our centre, each of the groups’ heartbeat.
In that sense, his generousity and sincerity conquered the limitations of time and the common expectations of the world.
That was Kevin’s secret: he knew this was an imperfect world, sometimes unjust and cruel. Unlike others who would shy away from challenges and retreat into the sanctuary of solitude, Kevin’s recognition of the world’s incompleteness drove him to challenge and mend fissures as best he could, tirelessly, and never discouraged if his efforts failed.
That Kevin, the Kevin that we know now is a reflection of the love he felt for us. The Kevin we know is also a testatment to the loving family that raised him. Philip and Nancy, you did an outstanding job, giving him all the opportunities in life that anyone could wish for. Your tremendous and selfless efforts resulted in an upright, decent and caring man in the truest sense of the word: strong, principled, devoted and loyal, a man of faith. To Mel, he was the typical older brother - sometimes over-bearing and over-protective but ultimately the perfect sibling to share a life with.
If it is any consolation, we share your loss.
The passion with which Kevin engaged with life is also seen in the passion and love he felt for Pilar. Once he met Pilar, his friends
knew that he had met his match, his soul-mate. Their’s was a relationship that crossed continents and cultures and learning a new language was no obstacle for him. With Ale and Maria, we see the very best of this coupling.
In an ideal world, Kevin would see Ale and Maria grow to be the outstanding people they will no doubt become. In that ideal world, he would be my best-man, we would grow old together and share pictures of our grand children. In that world, Kevin would be here to deliver my eulogy.
But we don’t live in that perfect world. And as we struggle to come to terms with the loss of our friend, as we struggle to make sense of this senselessness, it would be wise to recall how Kevin conducted his life and how he would have responded. He would not have been dispirited, he would not have grown bitter or kept a rancourous flame. Let us follow his example, then, and face this in the way that he taught us how thru his examplary living. That would be the rightful way to remember our friend, Kevin Philip Ariken.
13 Comments
You make me wish I’d known him too.
Yours, with watery eyes.
Hey Tommy
Jeff and I have been sharing a lot of stories on email which is our way of coping and remembering our dear ‘pug’ as we used to call him. We should really send some to you so that we can remember him in different contexts since 1986. Believe it or not, am still coming to terms. I pass by the kerb he bashed into everyday and wish I’d see some apparition of him at his most mischievous. BTW, he was born 6th November 1969, not 11th. He was cremated exactly 3 mths after his birthday.
Lets meet soon mate. Was thinking of organizing a get together, a sort of tribute to him. Friends can share old stories about him. Is your palace available? I will help organize.
life is so unpredictable its scary…
I was born just 3 months after Kevin & he, Mel & I grew up together. He was the worst bully of a cousin imaginable but he grew into such a fantastic adult, very loving & generous with his time & advice, why he even gave me valuable tips on breastfeeding (his daughter Maria being born 6 months before my son Jude)! His cheeky grin is something about him that has never changed & a feature that I’ll always remember best about him. “Good night, sweet prince and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”
- Claudine Michael
I, too, knew Kevin. We shared a house in Melbourne more than 10 years ago and I am still in Australia. I didn’t know that he had died and have been shattered since reading your site. Is there any way I can contact you?
Kathryn McNess
Knew him in college … its been 20 years since I last heard about Kevin. It saddens me that of all the news I had to be updated with this one.
To his wife & daughters, may the lord keep you strong & be with you always. Am sure Kevin is watching over you too.
To Tempest: I’m sorry that you had to find out in this way. Sometimes there is no right way to learn about the sadder parts of life.
His friends - like Granville, Rueben - are still around in Singapore, and I know they also reminisce often and loudly. There was another friend of Kevin’s - I think his name is Jeffrey? - who could do the bestest impersonation of Kevin. Absolutely perfect impersonations. I remember one occasion when we had a drink with Kevin and a bunch of the guys at Himiko Court and Jeffrey had us in stitches laughing at poor Keveeeen.
Pilar is living in Singapore (where she teaches) with Ale and Maria. Ale was the page boy responsible for our rings and Maria was one of the flower girls. They are so, so beautiful.
So sad to hear that. I used to work with him about 9-10 years ago. We were on a project together in Bangkok when he was working for Magnus. He was such a nice guy. He was a really good and enjoyable friend. He had made more friends in Bangkok in 6 months comparing to myself who was born in Thailand. He was a good guitar player. He would always have friends or cousins visiting him during his stay in Bangkok. I lost touch with him for a few years. I had a plan to come to Singapore for a day meeting and I thought of him. I thought of a good friend I have in Singapore and was trying to search for his contacts to give him a ring. And I found your Blog. Hope Pilar and the kids are doing well. What a sad news.
Hi,
I was in my consultation room seeing a patient with a familiar surname Ariken. This triggerred a memory…. I remembered a friend from 1992 when I was studying at taylor’s college in Melbourne Australia. My memory stretched back to a generous, brave and playful soul I had met. Knowing the Eurasian community to be close knit, I asked my patienet if she knew of my long lost friend Kevin…I was so saddened and shocked to hear of his passing away… I can’t believe he is gone. My deepest condolences to His family
Durai
HI,
Since Kevin passed away I always think of him with the coming of each New Year.
We met at ante-natal and it was so funny meeting someone with a warped sense of humour to match mine.
I remember him making little Maria practise sit-ups… when she was only a few months old. I still miss him, and do feel for Pilar, Maria and Ale.
I was cleaning my Yahoo messenger account when I saw Kevin’s name.. I started to wonder where he is, since I have not heard from him for a few years now. I googled his name and found this, I am extremely sad to hear of this news. I worked with him in Thailand together with Praveena(her message was listed above). He is a very nice guy, outgoing, likes to go out and meet people. I vividly remember him talking about Pilar even before they got married.
He was my rommmate in Thailand, this is an extremely sad Day.
-Chris
I just found out about this! I first met him on a project for Magnus Bangkok back in 2000. I remember he toured me around Singapore while I was there waiting for a Thailand work visa and he showed me his favorite place for hainanese chicken. I also remembered how a good host he was when I was alone in Bangkok for the first time.
I met Pilar before they got married. I don’t know if she remembers me, but I hope she and the kids are doing fine.
Could someone please give me some more information about Kevin. I used to know a Kevin Ariken. We were in Barcelona together for a year in 1997. I was searching the net for old friends and came across this site. I am shocked since so many details match what I know about him. Was he from Singapore? Did he study in the UK and Barcelona next?
Please let me know, we used to be very close.